Mayday, Mayday, we’re gonna crash!

Is there anybody out there? Can you read me? Please help us.

Our country has been conquered by a despotic arsehole. I reckon he must have total control of the media by now, as journalists and columnists seem to have relinquished all their critical abilities; this wouldn’t happen at once if it weren’t for their fear of being killed or — even worse — actually being read by some of the people. There are some fifth columnists claiming one can’t really use the term ‘conquer’ to designate ‘power by fellow citizen’, but that’s bullocks: he isn’t a fellow citizen, nobody I ever knew had the ability to sound so moronic every single time his teeth happened to move, to borrow a terrific Dylan line. He’s trying to tax his way into more debt, which is not too bad considering it may help the country sink faster, without retardant wretchedness. But he has a cunning plan: he plans to bribe the dependant part of the population using peanuts (not a metaphor, I mean actual seeds) in order to suck the living bone out of actual taxpayers. That’s why we need help. Please, save our souls. If we must have a despot in office, I’d rather have one who can actually talk, but, alas, this arsehole can’t even speak.

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